Saturday, January 31, 2009

A light rekindled

My attitude hasn't been very good recently, and I often find myself feeling very bitter and angry. But right now, I feel very touched, humbled, and gently chided.

Yesterday was just a bad day. I felt depressed, lonely, ugly, and stupid. In fact, I was seriously considering staying at home, even though I was supposed to play for a masterclass. I didn't think I could do it. I felt like a repulsive hag. Of course, my mom told me I looked fine, etc., but that didn't change the way I felt. I got through the day and played fine at the masterclass, but I still felt miserable.

Later that night, I got on facebook and saw that I had 1 message waiting. I opened up the message and found that it was from a dear friend that I hadn't talked to in a long time. Tears came to my eyes as I read it, and I realized how wrong my attitude had been. Here's what the note said:

Hi Erin! I am very lucky to know such a sweet, beautiful, and kind girl like you!! It is really a blessing to be able to see you grow up throughout the years, even though the glimpses are intermittent. :) Keep your chin up, missy! You're more and more beautiful by the second and if you look down, you'll miss it.

Just like that. She had NO idea how special that note was to me at that moment. But God knew. He knew exactly what I needed to hear, and He provided it! I can't express how I felt at that moment; it wasn't just the sweetness of the note, it was the realization that God cared enough about me and loved me enough to send me that love letter through my friend.

I feel unbelievably JOYFUL right now! I am once more opening my heart to the Lord, and praying that He will gently remove some of the hard shell that I've built around my heart. I want to fully understand that I don't need that shell, and that He will be the guardian and defender of my spirit. I'm reminded of one of my favorite hymns:

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Thank you, my dear Jesus!


Your Child


Princess0479 said...

Erin Hi this is Jane :)
i've posted here before long ago, i just wanted to say that even though i've been away from the blogging world, i want to thank you for this post :)
I need to see myself differently too, like a champion not a loser!
Like the Daughter of the King, not an underserving person!
Like the Runner i was born to be, not a shy lady!

You should see yourself the same, you are the daughter of the King most high, you are beautiful in His sight and i bet your kittens love you too!

And i'm so so sorry you are dealing with him whoever he is, maybe God is trying to cultivate your patience and your love for your enemies, i can relate very well, because when i was younger i lived with my stepfather and even though he was kind sometimes, sometimes HE was mean to me and treated me like that i've moved out i feel much much better, God answered my prayers :)
Now i see him still and he doesn't get to me anymore, because i can just leave him and go to my apartment!

i've been well :)

please check out my blog, i finally did an Update post from 3 weeks being MIA :)

talk to you soon my friend!

sorry this was so long, i just wanted to encourage you in your walk with Christ, because your friend is right you are a sweet young lady :)) A wife, mother, good worker and good God's servant in the making..listen to your mother she's right YOU ARE FINE!! :)
moms know best!

well i better run hun, i gotta get up tommorow on a Sunday at 6:30AM for work!!

blah :(


well take care!

Blessings & hugs!

stay strong in the Lord :)

Talk later!

To God be all glory!

In Him, Jane.

Anonymous said...

Hi Erin,

I am Emily's mom and I wanted to thank you for taking the time to comment on her blog. I still remember how important kind words were when I was in the midst of "mommyhood". Although I absolutely loved being a mom, there were days when I wondered if I was doing things well. Your kind, encouraging words about her boys were a gift. Thanks so much.


P.S. I hear you are one incredible babysitter! :-)

Connor Hamilton said...

Hey, Erin, where have you been? I haven't heard anything from you in a while. :-)